A speaker in a meeting the other day asked what we did for daily maintenance. I felt compelled to publish mine here for you. Every day, I intend to:

• meditate
• write about recovery
• talk about recovery
• go to a meeting
• call my sponsor

Any of these can last for just 5 minutes (except the meeting), though they typically last longer. I end up doing about 3 of these things every day, which has felt like a constant failure, because I always expect to accomplish 100% of my intentions. That sounds unrealistic now. Now it sounds like I’m doing a lot for my recovery. Now it makes sense that I’ve stayed sober since rehab.

The funny thing, the thing I can’t quite articulate, is that it doesn’t really feel like I’m making any effort to do these things, even though when I struggle against them, they seem so hard. They seem to be the results of acknowledging that I have no control over my addiction. They are things I was told to do by people who had done them, things I tweaked a bit to fit into my life, and things that work. It’s connected, I think, to the first and second and third steps, and it’s a spiritual thing. It feels like a miracle. A miracle because a year ago, I would tell myself I would meditate tomorrow. I would think of AA meetings with only disgust. I would not talk or write about recovery, only about hopelessness and loneliness and of wanting to do better. I would turn off my phone.