Monthly Archives: December 2011

new year’s eve

I told my friend I felt guilty because I didn’t complete any writing projects this year. I felt like I wasted 2011. She disagreed. Three things that happened in 2011: I stopped drinking. I went to rehab. I committed to … Continue reading

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anti-anxiety

In Blue Nights, Joan Didion writes: “Alcohol has its own well-known defects as a medication for depression but no one has ever suggested – ask any doctor – that it is not the most effective anti-anxiety agent yet known. “ … Continue reading

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Palm Springs

Earlier this week, I went to a meeting in Palm Springs.  I woke up and walked outside and it was a cold morning. Dry. The winds were strong, or they weren’t, but I noticed them like I don’t in the … Continue reading

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making it

A woman in a meeting the other night said that we’re not supposed to make it. Alcoholics and addicts – we’re not supposed to recover.  I like this thought. It drives me sometimes, reminds me how hard I have to … Continue reading

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New York again

I’m in New York again. I went to a meeting on my first full day here and was asked to speak. In AA, they pretty much tell you there is no other option than to say yes when this happens. … Continue reading

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what is

I was driving down Highway 1, in the morning. The waves and the fog were churning, in the same color and at the same speed. I remembered the lake next to the Zen Center in Minneapolis, even though, when I … Continue reading

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first real day

I woke up feeling hungover. My head hurt, I was dehydrated, and I felt a sense of dread. I didn’t drink last night, as I haven’t every night for over 8 months, but still felt it, the “sick heat of … Continue reading

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