When I return to Southern California, to the inland empire, I feel at home. In my body. It’s not an emotional thing. It’s not a relief. I just remember it. The air. Dry and warm. Soft even, with smog. Air … Continue reading
Before I went to rehab, I went to AA to hear people’s stories. I would listen to people who ended up homeless, all of their “yets” having by then transpired. They talked about shooting up under a bridge, selling themselves, … Continue reading
I went back to Minnesota last week, to visit the treatment center I went to a year and a half ago. When I was in treatment, it was April and it was still snowing. All the branches were bare. In … Continue reading
I went to Cancún, Mexico 3 months out of rehab. I had booked the trip with my boyfriend and two friends, impulsively, and there were no refunds. It was low season for tourists, or rather, it was not spring break, … Continue reading
I talk about gifts of sobriety now. Sincerely. I’m that kind of person. The kind I imagined and despised at the outset. For no real reason. Or because I did not know they were being sincere.
The question my sponsor asked me on Tuesday, that he’s asked me before, was: why not? Why not put sobriety first? You haven’t even tried it. I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago. When it first happened, … Continue reading