Category Archives: what it was like

far

Before I went to rehab, I went to AA to hear people’s stories. I would listen to people who ended up homeless, all of their “yets” having by then transpired. They talked about shooting up under a bridge, selling themselves, … Continue reading

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stopped working

The other day I heard someone say: “I didn’t come to AA because of the consequences.  I came because the party was over.” Last night, at a meeting, the speaker said that her rock bottom wasn’t blacking out every night. … Continue reading

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DUI

I remember shoveling mud out of a drainage ditch in an elementary school in Pacifica. It was part of the Sheriff’s Work Program that followed DUI school. I remember not trying very hard. I remember parking near the sheriff station … Continue reading

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is for

I made flyers for the blog: a photo and a URL and a quote. I thought I’d leave them at dedicated meeting places, maybe only outside my hometown. My friend suggested leaving them at bars. I said I didn’t want … Continue reading

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in between

One day last week, I was in the bathroom before a meeting. I washed my hands and fixed my hair. I saw myself and smiled. I got a rush of excitement. I was so glad to be there. That had … Continue reading

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something spiritual

I’m trying to say something about belonging. About what drinking did for me. About feeling tapped in to human experience. About not feeling alone. It’s about a buzz. About things making me laugh. About not caring. I want to talk … Continue reading

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anti-anxiety

In Blue Nights, Joan Didion writes: “Alcohol has its own well-known defects as a medication for depression but no one has ever suggested – ask any doctor – that it is not the most effective anti-anxiety agent yet known. “ … Continue reading

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